In the digital world we live in, information spreads faster than ever. Our brains can’t keep up and they weren’t meant to. This doesn’t mean that technology is bad, but since we can’t properly evaluate all the information hitting our screens, it makes us more vulnerable to believing misinformation. Additionally, the onslaught of information about things beyond our control can have a negative impact on our mental health. The combination of these factors can cause anxiety which makes us even more vulnerable to believing things that either aren’t true or aren’t happening. It is a vicious cycle, but there are some things you can do to feel empowered and protect your mental health as we navigate another challenging election season.
Politicians and related misinformation campaigns typically use emotionally charged statements to stir up fear. Without intentional effort, emotions overtake logic. When we are anxious and feeling under threat, our brains will be looking for safety and relief which means that whatever cure they are selling to the problems they are creating will hit our brains like a good idea. This short cuts to “What a good idea! I should vote for them!” This also means that our identity can feel under attack when we are presented with information to the contrary.
I’m not running for office and I don’t work in politics. I don’t super care about Biden vs. Trump, Republican vs. Democrat, Red vs. Blue. I care about people being manipulated. In recent years I’ve noticed our political parties being presented like football teams through social media. I was a therapist helping people navigate the misinformation campaigns and resulting anxiety related to the pandemic, vaccinations, masking, and elections. I also help people in recovery from emotional and psychological abuse and I gotta tell you, the process is the same. Whether it is politicians or personal relationships, there are people who learn your pain points so that they can use them against you and get what they want. Manipulation has become so normalized in our society that it can be hard to notice. The purpose of misinformation campaigns is not to get you to choose one side or the other. It makes you doubt truth itself. You deserve to make informed decisions based on facts, not in response to fear. Regardless of who’s running for office or what fear tactics they are using, there are some themes that emerge. Here are some things to look out for:
Rebel well my friends. Happy voting. May the odds be ever in our favor.
An often-overlooked component to life with ADHD is the impact of sensory experiences. Sensory experiences include the way we feel through our five senses- touch, taste, smell, sound, and sight. People with ADHD often notice things in their environment that others more easily tune out and can hyper-focus on them, which makes them appear distracted. For example, imagine being in a restaurant and noticing the sound of someone scraping food off a plate. This is usually background noise, but for someone with ADHD, that sound becomes distracting and is all they can think about. When people think of sensory overload, this often brings up images that are associated with the stereotypes of Autism such as someone wearing headphones to help tune out that auditory stimulation. Autism and ADHD are two separate diagnoses, but there is some overlap between the two. Sensory overload is one of them, but since this is more commonly associated with Autism, many people with ADHD are unaware they are being impacted in this way. A byproduct of these misunderstandings and internalized stereotypes is that they minimize the impact that sensory overload can have and what that can look like.
Common thoughts associated with shaming sensory overload are:
“You are SO sensitive!”“You are SO picky!”“You just always need to have your way!”
Over time, this can develop into:“I have control issues.”“I prefer to work alone.”
Modern life brings a bombardment of sensory input. Our phones, workspaces, shopping spaces, learning spaces, and common living areas are always shining, dinging, clicking, and humming. Sensory overload can bring feelings of anxiety, especially in new situations or environments where we have little control. It can look and feel like we want to control things, which can impact relationships. Behind the scenes, it isn’t that we want to control things and appear irritated by other people and other approaches. We want to feel comfortable. Learning more about how sensory input may be contributing to your feelings of overwhelm and how to reduce the negative impact can help improve your sense of wellbeing.
White Shirt Dilemma
I went to Catholic school, which meant I had to wear a school uniform. My mom used to say she loved that we had uniforms because then she didn’t have to deal with the fuss about what we were gonna wear to school. I didn’t have to adhere to any certain brand, but I had to wear a white, long sleeve shirt. I had about 6, but 2 were my favorite. At the time, I didn’t give thought as to why, I just liked them better. They felt better. I strongly preferred them. Sometimes I would be upset if they were not washed. My mother had her reasons for not wanting me to use the washer myself. If it were up to me, I would have done laundry every two days to always have my preferred shirt. Instead, we fought about it. I was being too picky. My mother remained steadfast that “A white shirt is a white shirt!” Why did I deserve special treatment regarding the laundry? Why did I insist on being difficult?
Looking back, I now know this is an example of sensory overload. Something about the material in the other white shirts made me uncomfortable. I didn’t like the way they felt. It made me feel self-conscious. It is hard to trust yourself when someone is telling you that the way you feel about things is something to be ashamed of. This becomes internalized and we learn to cope in unconscious ways. To an extreme degree, one way I might have unconsciously coped with having to wear a shirt to school that made me uncomfortable would have been to not go to school. Maybe I had a headache or stomachache. I wasn’t actively thinking, “Oh yeah, well, I’m not going to school if I can’t wear that shirt!”
When talking to parents about sensory issues, it is not uncommon for parents to be concerned that their kid is going to grow up and be “picky”. They think their role as a parent means getting their child to tolerate wearing the white shirt they don’t like. They don’t want their child to be labeled as difficult or to have a hard time. It is better to accept sensory issues as part of someone’s identity and help them learn coping skills to reduce the impact that sensory issues can have on their quality of life. Sensory issues can be much easier to navigate as an adult when you aren’t having to meet the expectations of authority figures in the same way we do as children. They are not easier to navigate if we aren’t aware that we experience them.
I suggest doing a sensory inventory. What have you unconsciously been tolerating that you don’t have to anymore? Can you make related adjustments now that you have more control?
For example, as an adult, I would toss out white shirts that made me that uncomfortable. I would either buy a week’s worth of my preferred shirt or adjust my laundry schedule. Let’s look at some sensory issues that might be associated with clothing.
Clothing: Think of your everyday wardrobe. For this exercise we are not going to think of clothing preferences based on seasonal or occasion. We are not going to think of organization in terms of storage or space.
What clothes do you own that you never wear?
What clothes do you wear the most often?
Have you ever thought about your wardrobe choices based on how the clothes feel? Do certain weights or fabrics feel soothing and comfortable? Are there certain textures that bother you?
Necklines- do they feel suffocating? Is that why you unconsciously avoid wearing that shirt?
Do materials feel too heavy? Too thin? Too scratchy?
Hem lines- do they hit your ankles or legs in ways that you do not like the feel of?
Jewelry/accessories- do earrings feel too heavy? Do certain bracelets styles feel uncomfortable?
Potential benefits
Releasing feelings of shame
If you pare down your wardrobe to the things you actually wear, that eliminates the shame from owning stuff you don’t wear because you don’t want to feel “wasteful” or “ungrateful”. It eliminates the shame from things not fitting properly. It eliminates the shame we might associate with a bad or stressful event that happened and we see the outfit we were wearing. A common development resulting from undiagnosed ADHD and related relational and emotional traumas is that we are taught to believe any discomfort is our fault, making feelings of shame the default. This is also reinforced by society. By identifying your actual wants and needs and prioritizing them, this helps quiet the shame response. We eliminate the clothing source of shame.
Eliminating decisions=increased mental energy
When you are picking up on everything, it can be overwhelming, and it can be hard to prioritize. One method is figuring out what you DON’T want. This eliminates a lot of categories and possibilities with decision making. By using this sensory inventory, you can eliminate clothing options, thus allowing your mind to focus on other tasks. This can be used for other daily encounters.
Are there foods you don’t like? Skincare products you used a dollop of and never touched again? Scents that give you a headache? Pens or utensils you hate the feel of?
Do you have other options? That means the things you don’t like can go. No guilt. It isn’t your fault you have a neurodivergent brain in a for profit world with endless options.
Things to try
Getting rid of what doesn’t serve you gives more room and space for the things that do. Here are some common sensory friendly ideas to check out!
Loop earplugs– may reduce sensory input from sound
Blue light glasses- may reduce visual sensory input from screens or fluorescent lights.
Fidget rings, calm strips– sensory stimulation tools that can help regulate energy
Look for sensory friendly hours that may be offered for certain events or stores. For example, Walmart offers low sensory hours that include lower lights and reduced audio from tv and radio. I subconsciously developed the habit of preparing myself to enter Walmart expecting to leave in a terrible mood and one day I noticed I left there feeling great! Turns out, I was there during low sensory hours.
These are all things I would put on the “can’t hurt, might help” list of ways to try to minimize the sensory overload struggles with ADHD. If it inspired any others, please let me know!
I started my doc program because I was working as a therapist in a community that was especially hard hit with the opioid epidemic. My own attitudes and beliefs about drug use and addiction have been challenged in multiple ways throughout my lifetime and nothing challenged them more than seeing the faces and hearing the stories from hundreds of people who had first-hand experience. It is a privilege to have one’s beliefs challenged when they are fundamentally wrong or limited and there can be a lot of value and learning if we share this process. Here are some of my reflections.
In the fifth grade, I changed schools twice which meant I graduated from the D.A.R.E. program twice. If you aren’t familiar, the D.A.R.E. program is a national level program intended to reduce drug use by warning school age children about the dangers. It was the first year the program had been offered in my county. Through middle school and high school my friends and I became aware of all the things we were taught that were straight up bullshit. I was offered drugs and alcohol, but I never had anyone shame me for saying no. We laughed at the ridiculous memories of cops pretending chalkboard erasers were cans of beer and the idea that government officials thought kids smoked because of a cartoon camel. As more and more peers experimented with more and more things, we also realized that you could indeed try something and not become instantly insane or addicted for life. The weapons we were given to fight the war against drugs proved to be rather useless.
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I’d argue that the D.A.R.E. program and Just Say No! campaigns were successful if their goal was to create deeply rooted shame about drug and alcohol use. After all, if all you had to do was just say no, then drugs and alcohol must be things you CHOOSE to do, even if they are hurting you. You made a bad choice. You make continual and repeated bad choices. Shame on you. Just Say No easily becomes Just Stop which then gives way to if you choose not to stop, you should go to jail. Even though I consciously recognized the flaws in the drug and alcohol education I received, the morals remained.
I was in my late twenties before I went to college. When I first started studying psychology and learning about personal bias, I was confident that I should never be a drug and alcohol counselor. I didn’t know how I could help people that I didn’t understand. Why didn’t they just stop? If their drug or alcohol use was causing so much stress to their families, why did they continue to do that? Didn’t they love them? Didn’t they have self-respect? Why couldn’t they accept the love and help their friends and families so desperately wanted to give them? I kept that general belief system until I took addiction counseling in graduate school.
I went into that class with a bit of a chip on my shoulder. I was taking the class because it was required, not because I thought I’d ever use it. A few of my classmates worked in addiction treatment already. In world of professional counseling, you generally need a master’s degree to work directly in mental health, but you can work in addictions treatment with less education, and it can be a way that many aspiring mental health professionals gain experience. They had more to say than I did, and I didn’t want to work in addictions, so I was quieter in that class than usual. One fateful day, we watched a video that explained we don’t actually know why one person can do cocaine and remain perfectly healthy but the person next to them can drink a beer and unknowingly set off the chain reaction that ruins their life. A major reason why this is hard to pinpoint is that it is hard to ethically study. We can’t exactly shoot people up with substances and see who gets addicted and who doesn’t. This made sense in all the ways D.A.R.E. never did. Addiction suddenly had my attention. Addiction wasn’t a moral failing after all. It went beyond individual control. Who knew?
While I was more open minded and empathetic to those struggling with addiction, I still didn’t plan to work in the addiction field. I wanted to help people struggling with depression and anxiety or trauma, not drug and alcohol use. Fate intervened once more and when I had a hard time finding an internship site, I got my first full time counseling job at an inpatient drug and alcohol rehabilitation center. It proved to be both incredibility stressful and rewarding. The rewarding part came from my work with clients and witnessing the power of empathy and human connection. The stress came from the systemic inequities that created an understaffed, overburdened work environment. After 6 months, I completed my internship, graduated and jumped ship. I didn’t have the qualifications to work as a therapist yet, but I had to GO. This led me to the world of medicated assisted treatment, or “meth clinic”. The clinic offered counseling and medications that treated opioid addiction and withdrawal symptoms.
I was drawn to the job at the clinic because it was still counseling, but it wasn’t the same demanding work environment as my internship. Working the 4pm- 12:30 am shift plus overtime at the rehab proved to be more difficult on my family than I anticipated, and the clinic hours were 5:30 am- 2pm with weekends and holidays off plus it paid more. Other than that, the only thing I knew about the clinic came from public commentary. People were usually angry about it saying it just replaced one drug with another and you could “see the junkies lining up for their fix at 5 am”.
In reality, the people who were there the earliest were there to get their medication before work. The regulations pertaining to these medications made it difficult for people to get their medicine in a private doctor’s office or pharmacy. If you were a patient at this clinic, people knew why. Were there patients who took advantage somehow, maybe they utilized the clinic option in case they couldn’t find their preferred drug that day? Maybe they cheated on their drug tests? Sure. That’s not limited to people struggling with addiction. Welcome to humanity. It seems that negative news that reinforces our core beliefs tends to travel fast and has a way of becoming “fact”, yet it’s only part of any story.
Plenty of people were there to get their medication to not experience severe withdrawal symptoms that would make it difficult to go to work or care for their children. The shame campaigns would have us believe that people struggling with addiction are bad people who make bad or stupid decisions. I never met one person who just woke up one day and started shooting heroin. Most started out using prescribed pain medications that became unavailable or unaffordable. Others used drugs or alcohol socially and things took a turn. Some were raised in an environment where drugs and alcohol were the norm. I had wanted to help people with depression, anxiety, and trauma, not addiction. I didn’t know addiction counseling also meant mental health counseling. Mostly, I was never taught that there was no addiction without pain.
It is human nature to seek relief from pain, both physical and emotional. It is something we all have in common, yet we are taught to judge others based on how they find their relief.
We are taught how to judge based on what is shamed. Our cultural norm is to shame addiction and poverty as being the result of bad choices, yet this ignores the systemic factors that contribute to them both. This collective shaming breeds individual silence and community division. To me, this has never been brought more sharply into focus then when I went back to school for my PhD. What began as researching the opioid epidemic in Appalachia revealed patterns related to the diseases of despair and collective trauma.
The diseases of despair are suicide, substance use and alcohol induced fatty liver disease and they are associated with feelings of hopelessness and economic decline. The rates are increasing throughout the U.S. but they are especially prevalent and fatal in the Appalachian region. I find it interesting that suicide and substance use are both ways that people might self-medicate their pain. People might be more inclined to self-medicate when their pain has been publicly shamed and moralized as something they deserve. If there is more self-medicating in Appalachia, what pain is more acute here? What makes a slow death through self-medicating preferable to seeking help? It might be the deep shame of needing help at all. It might be the shame of struggling with poverty despite a lifetime of hard work and following all the rules. It might be the shame of struggling with addiction against a system that traumatizes and shames rather than cares and treats. It might be the feeling that no real help exists.
For those of us not struggling, what do we do? Too often, we do what we’ve been taught. We judge. We tell people struggling to be tough and to pull themselves up by their bootstraps while ignoring the fact they need a pair of boots. We take comfort and pride in the good choices we have made while ignoring anything that might be sheer dumb luck or unearned advantages. If we managed to just say no to frivolous spending or the need for prescription pain relief, why couldn’t they? If they need help, why do our tax dollars need to pay for it?
We don’t all have the reason or ability to unlearn what we were taught in childhood, but it does not take a graduate degree to begin making small changes. Judgement brings a fleeting sense of power but causes us to give up the actual power that comes from our ability to show empathy and kindness. We all have more in common than we realize, but we aren’t taught to look for it. Someone profits from us internalizing shame and spewing judgment, and it’s not us. It might be unintended consequences, but it’s almost like the moralization of drug use through shame campaigns was the point. What kind of world would we live in if the beliefs of kindness and respect were reinforced instead? Let’s find out. I dare you.
Rayelle Davis is a Nationally Board Certified Counselor licensed in Maryland and West Virginia. She is an expert content reviewer for highered.com and a faculty trainer for the American Society of Addiction Medicine. Her research on the diseases of despair and Appalachia fuels her mission to build community centered around accurate and decolonized mental health education.
My name is Rayelle Davis and throughout my career I have worked as an addiction counselor. My experience includes working at an inpatient rehab and a medication assisted treatment facility or “meth clinic”. I have a Master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy and as such I have conducted several sessions to provide education to the loved ones of people suffering from addiction. I am glad there is more awareness of addiction, but any comments section proves there are still a lot of myths and misinformation out there. I get it. Even though a good portion of my life is spent studying and working with addictions it can be frustrating because it’s a pretty complicated subject. I haven’t really come across much locally that depicts the counselor perspective. I wanted to share my thoughts. Please be mindful that nothing I say represents the viewpoints of any place I work and I don’t represent all counselors. This is based on my own experience and observations through the lens of a counselor and student.
I was a nontraditional college student, so I had some real-life experiences and opinions before I was in a college classroom. Like many people around me I thought “meth clinic” sounded scary and addicts “should just quit”. In grad school we are taught to become aware of our biases to reduce any harm to clients and I went into the program pretty sure I could never be an addictions counselor. I had a family member struggling with addiction and I saw the hurt and pain it caused loved ones. I was one of them. Why couldn’t they just stop? Why did they choose this in the first place? I was surprised to learn that not everyone who tries drugs was automatically addicted. Once I learned that the experts don’t know what causes one person to be addicted and the next person not to be, I relaxed my opinion and opened my mind a little more. That concept made sense to me because I was raised during the “War on Drugs”. I switched schools in 5th grade so I went through D.A.R.E. twice. I never really considered that someone could try crack cocaine and not completely destroy their life. I was holding on to my 5th grade education on how drugs work and therefore struggling to understand why someone would try such things in the first place. Through my advanced studies it made sense that someone might not think they have a real problem but in actuality they lose everything. Addiction impacts the way the brain processes. This means we non-addicts can’t take how we would react to a situation and expect someone in active addiction to look at it the same way. Their brain is screaming for more of their drug of choice and often priorities become out of whack.
I think what makes providing and understanding addiction treatment hard in general is that everyone is different. You may have heard the term spectrum referring to someone with Autism. That means that one person with Autism may not have the same level of functioning or support needs as another person with Autism. There are levels. Addiction acts much the same way. Many people hear addiction or addict and they picture someone on skid row with a needle. They are seen as choosing that lifestyle over being with their families who want nothing more than to get their loved one back. This is where it gets complicated. Are there people out there who when faced with eviction, job loss or their loved ones kicking them out that become motivated to stop through sheer will power? Yes. This approach does not work for everyone. It doesn’t mean they love their families less. It means their addiction has a stronger hold. At the opposite end of the spectrum, people die.
Different substances bring different issues with them. Opiates come with withdrawal symptoms that can be severe. It can last for months and send users into what I have heard described as a mental hell on top of debilitating flu symptoms. No one wakes up and wants to be the person on skid row with a needle. Many people in recovery have families and jobs and pay their taxes, but they were prescribed some powerful pain killers following surgery or an injury that led them to become addicted. One person can take those pills and not have their life ruined, but another person responds differently. In addition to physical dependency, many use the pills as a go to coping mechanism when they are faced with stress due to the feel good effects pain killers produce. Some decide they need help and seek it. Others may progress to heroin as a desperate and cheaper alternative when they can’t get the pills anymore. Some were spending time with all the wrong people and started using to fit in. Some people have suffered horrendous trauma and use to dull their emotional pain. Some people came from good families who are struggling to understand what went wrong. Some were brought up around drinking and drugging since kindergarten. It was their normal. It is very common for people in substance abuse treatment to realize they have mental health issues they were unaware of or not dealing with. These things take time to process and everyone responds differently to treatments offered.
At a methadone clinic they are provided a legal dose of medication prescribed by a doctor and dispensed by a nurse to combat the physical symptoms. No one can benefit from counseling if they are in full blown withdrawal. Treatment is often done in layers and since everyone has a different level of suffering the layers are different. Counseling is a requirement and it is within this setting people can learn healthier coping skills to practice. Someone can complete treatment in a year and someone else might need three. They are in recovery for life and this is another topic many people struggle to understand, wondering why their loved one is “still going to those meetings” or “still can’t handle a beer.” Inpatient rehab is not how it is depicted on television. There are criteria that need to be met for admission. It is not like Intervention or Celebrity Rehab. Desperate families go through the channels to send their loved one to rehab are often saddened to realized they don’t walk out “cured.” In fact, that is when the real work begins.
It’s important to note that most things that lead to addiction are legal- pills prescribed by a doctor, alcohol sold on the shelves of your local store, consensual sex, and even food. These can progress to people doing illegal things to feed their addiction or to continue behaving in way that is causing them harm. I understand why people in the community are scared and frustrated. Unfortunately, the best treatment in the world can’t help someone who doesn’t want it. Even so too many shy away from getting help for fear of stigma and shame. Our individualistic culture has people thinking they are weak for needing help. We also avoid pain including emotional pain. These cultural attitudes create a perfect storm for addiction to take hold and explode to where it can’t be ignored. These stigmas are often what keeps someone from seeking mental health treatment and they self-medicate instead. This self-medicating can lead to addiction. It is all a part of a vicious cycle. It is my hope that through increased understanding more people will be encouraged to get proper treatment. If someone you love is suffering from the epidemic gripping our area, I hope you are in counseling for yourself. This is especially recommended for the parents. We have a generation of grandparents raising grandchildren and to not “be an enabler” often means to go against our basic instinct as parents. Role confusion and grief are real experiences when you have a loved one in active addiction. It is common for people to say “what can we do?” I believe that with increased understanding, we can work together and the negative impact will be lessened. If you have children and a family history of any type of addiction, I encourage you to have that conversation with your kids when appropriate. Genetic predisposition is a risk factor. It doesn’t guarantee your kid is doomed to suffer addiction, but just as we talk about heart disease, diabetes, and cancer we need to bring our family mental health history into common conversation as well.
We can come together as a community and reduce the stigma so that families and addicts feel supported. We can stop spreading untruths. Awareness and educational conversations don’t have to cost a dime. With so many things about addiction and treatment being out of our control, being empathetic to these challenges and challenging myths and stereotypes is something that we can do. The real “cure” for addiction is true belonging and human connection. The most effective intervention we have is each other.
Rebel Well My Friends.
Rayelle Davis is a Nationally Board Certified Counselor licensed in Maryland and West Virginia. She is an expert content reviewer for highered.com and a faculty trainer for the American Society of Addiction Medicine. Her research on the diseases of despair and Appalachia fuels her mission to build community centered around accurate and decolonized mental health education.
The world of organization is designed for people that don’t have ADHD. It’s so easy to get caught up in the idea that when we buy the exact right planner, calendar, device, bin system, labeler then-and only then -will we too get to join the club of people who have their shit together. What if we flipped the script and made systems that worked with our brains instead?
I know it’s not always possible, but I’m talking about when it is. When it is just you, for your use, for your own space. We tend to hold onto so much shame around neatness and organization. It’s hard not to after a lifetime of being told If only we listened, we wouldn’t lose our stuff. If only we cared, our work would not be sloppy. If only we prioritized better, we wouldn’t have lost that oh so important document.
I always tried to get my space to look like magazine and Pinterest boards. Minimalist, knowing right where things are. A place for everything and everything in its place. Let’s take those images and burn them. Your space is never going to look like that and function and that’s okay. Mourn if you need to. Now the ADHD brain DOES need routine. It just needs routine that is going to work and for us ADHDers that usually means thinking outside of the box and making a routine that looks like anything but to traditional brain havers that like organization. Here are some ADHD friendly considerations to incorporate into your ADHD affirming routine!
1- You might need multiples of common items and that’s okay! I found myself continually frustrated that the scissors were never in the scissor spot in the drawer. That meant I was a loser or that as a mom I played a part in creating losers who could not manage a simple task like putting scissors back where they go. I would also be frustrated at then having to spend time and energy looking for the scissors and might even forget why I needed the scissors by the time I found them. Scissors are in the $1-$5 range. I bought a few pairs and have them stashed in a few spots I might need scissors. Bathroom scissors for opening packages, scissors with wrapping paper, scissors in the kitchen, scissors in every room that has a drawer, in the trunk of my car. When you lose the scissors, go buy another pair.
This works for ChapStick, a hair brush or comb, keys, charger cords, hand sanitizers and wipes. I also get travel size versions of toothbrush, paste, mouthwash, lotion, stain remover, lint rollers, deodorant, dry shampoo, and a hair tie and make up a few little kits. You can use Ziplock bags or extra cosmetic bags if you have them. I stash them in my commonly used purses, bags, my car, office and then when I inevitably end up rushing or have an extra forgetful day I can freshen and touch up when I realize it later.
2-Drawers are where things go to die. They are good for things I can’t throw away but don’t need access to. I’d just as soon cut off my toe as bother with labeling folders, putting paper in the folder, remembering what heading I thought was best for what piece of paper and then putting it back after I find the paper. Too many steps!!! I kept trying though man. I kept trying to make this tried-and-true system work for me. For papers I have found using accordion folders or decorative boxes to be helpful simply because it’s a way for the paper to not get bent up without be having to wrangle files and labels I knew the butterfly box has photos and the purple box has stuff from school and the brown accordion file has everything from when I applied for my counseling license. No one else would be able to come in and make sense of any of it, but who else needs to?
3- Sticky Notes! My office space is mine. I live surrounded by post its. I can see important phone numbers and due dates right in front of my face without having to open an app, drawer or folder Throughout 2020 I worked full time as a therapist and a full-time doc student while supervising masters interns. I had numerous deadlines and due dates and zoom codes and often had less than 5 minutes to transition between roles. With a post it on the wall behind and beside me I had due dates for insurance authorizations, treatment plans, homework assignments, and supervision tasks. I also had one with the zooms for each job, passwords I hated resetting but didn’t use every day and the employee ID I needed for whatever paperwork I needed to complete. Post it notes plastered all over a wall haven’t made any decorating magazine I’ve ever seen, but it works for me so who cares.
4- I’ve found quite a few of the advice geared towards people living in a small space or dorm can be helpful for ADHD living. Small space organization tends to rely heavily on visual methods of organization which can be great for ADHD brains. For example, small space organization might suggest jewelry holders that sit on top of a table because it assumes you don’t have space for a traditional jewelry box. Traditional jewelry boxes have those dreaded drawers! I often find myself getting ready to go to sleep only for my earrings to suddenly bother me and be something I can’t quit thinking about. I I’m not getting up to go put them in their “proper” place. I have a small tray beside my bed for such moments, so I am less likely to lose my stuff.
5- Alarms- not everyone knows this but being able to edit the labels for alarms in a smartphone is a game changer. The trick is not turning the alarm off and just doing what you want to do anyway. They can be helpful for setting a timer so that when you are really into an activity you know to stop, add a reminder to take gym clothes to school, to make a stop on the way home from work etc.
These are some things I have found work for me. They may or may not work for you. Anyone else feel ripped off when you try really REALLY hard, like really put forth what feels like increased mental energy, and you forget or lose it anyway? It hurts so much more than when I don’t even try and that happens. I think it is some small proof we really can’t help it and it really isn’t a discipline issue. It’s an ADHD getting in the way issue. If you find yourself desiring organization and asking, “what’s wrong with me?” try asking “what’s getting in my way? What’s the obstacle?” This shift can help you identify an approach that will better align your space with how your brain works.
With the increased awareness of the importance of mental health, therapy has never been more out in the open and discussed. The reduced stigma is great, but we still have a long way to go to make the mental health system more equitable and accessible. Since therapy has often been viewed as something shameful, it makes sense that the concept of therapy is commonly misunderstood. One of the best tools we have in combatting shame is to bring it out in the open and name it. Let’s look at some common myths, misunderstandings and barriers that can contribute to the feeling that therapy doesn’t work, but in actuality they don’t have anything to do with the therapeutic process at all.
I wish it wasn’t true, but unfortunately a lot of therapists suck at their job. They might be burned out, stuck in their ways or use their position as the therapist to exert power over vulnerable people. You’d think the system would do a great job at vetting people joining the profession, but like anything else perfect isn’t real. If someone gets the degree, passes the exams and gets their clinical hours done they will get a license to provide therapy. A lot of harm can be done by therapists through sheer incompetence. The field also attracts people who have been through emotional and mental health challenges, which can be a great asset, but if these challenges have not been properly addressed clients are impacted. This type of harm is rarely the type to reach the threshold of reporting someone to their respective board. People are allowed to be bad at their jobs. When dealing with vulnerable people, this means that a client may feel like they are doing therapy wrong which reinforces many of the negative beliefs that brought someone to therapy to begin with.
Even though it has gotten better, it is still hard to combat the stigma associated with therapy. Suffering from feelings of depression or anxiety can make it that much more difficult to go through the process of locating a therapist that is taking new clients, navigating insurance, and figuring out scheduling. Sometimes a therapist is very good at their job, but they might not the right fit for you. This can make it seem like therapy doesn’t work. The foundation of the therapeutic process is the therapeutic relationship. There can be things beyond our control that impact the feeling of the relationship being a good fit. For example, if you don’t trust your brother and your therapist reminds you of him, it is going to be hard to feel open to the therapeutic process. It is important to bring up any concerns about the therapeutic relationship to your therapist so that they can help you process and navigate this situation. Quality therapists know they cannot be the right fit for everyone. It can be awkward to bring this up, so it is common that people simply stop going and say that therapy doesn’t work.
Whether we like it or not, we exist in the world of for-profit healthcare. Changes in insurance or work schedules can disrupt the therapy process. Often the times we need therapy to help navigate life stressors and changes those same life stressors get in the way of being able to attend. Therapists may leave for other job opportunities, or they may need extended time off to attend to their own health. When these outside factors force the termination of the therapeutic relationship and we aren’t ready for it, this can trigger feelings of disappointment or abandonment.
Another way that the investment of time can feel like therapy doesn’t work is that the healing process is not straightforward. When we are suffering, of course we want to feel better as soon as possible. It can take time to build a strong therapeutic relationship. It is more common to think of our experience with routine physical health where we report symptoms to a doctor and there is a direct solution. Everyone is different, but it is not uncommon for things to emerge as therapy progresses. This can feel like therapy doesn’t work or even is making things worse.
When people think of therapy, they typically think of being treated for symptoms of depression or anxiety. The symptoms are seen as the problem to be fixed. Quite often, these symptoms are a normal reaction to stressors that people experience. If the systemic issues are ignored, it can seem like therapy doesn’t work. Things like discrimination, abuse, toxic environments, and financial hardship are all types of chronic stressors that can be hard to cope with. Therapy can help you to feel seen, heard and it can teach you coping skills, but it can’t change the system itself. It can be easy to scapegoat the process of therapy for not working when therapy is also a mere cog in the wheel of the mental health care system.
Another common misunderstanding that can seem like therapy doesn’t work is how often people come to therapy hoping to make other people change. It’s common to have feelings of frustration or sadness related to important people in our lives that we care about. Sometimes people come to therapy expecting to learn what to say to make other people change. Sometimes people are coerced into therapy because other people in their life think they need to make changes. Therapy attendance can be mandated by the court system for various reasons. The meaningful change that can happen from therapy can only happen if the person is capable of doing so. They are not capable if they people expect things beyond their mental capacity. For example, someone with ADHD is always going to have ADHD regardless of treatment. Parents may get frustrated with ADHD related behaviors and there are ways that therapy can help, but it will not result in their child behaving as though they do not have ADHD. Another example is the importance of motivation to change. In drug and alcohol treatment, it is not enough to mandate that someone attend therapy. They may attend consistently, but people are only going to get out of therapy what they put in. Sometimes forced attendance sparks motivation but is it far from a guarantee. Change cannot be forced. No matter how skilled they are, no therapist is a magician.
Having an increased understanding of the limitations of therapy can help reduce frustration. It can also help us further reduce the stigmas, myths and misunderstandings associated with therapy and the benefit for our mental health. If you are in therapy and feel frustrated with the process, please bring this up to your therapist. They can help you determine if things need to change course or if there is a misplaced frustration in the healing process.
Rayelle Davis is a Nationally Board Certified Counselor licensed in Maryland and West Virginia. She is an expert content reviewer for highered.com and a faculty trainer for the American Society of Addiction Medicine. Her research on the diseases of despair and Appalachia fuels her mission to build community centered around accurate and decolonized mental health education.
What do they like about where they work?
This can be a way to get information about your therapist and their values. For example, I work from home, and I am fully virtual because this allows me more scheduling flexibility. I’ve noticed scheduling flexibility tends to be mutually beneficial for me and my clients. A therapist might like working for a certain agency because they believe in their mission or they might value the resources an agency offers such as therapy dogs or clothing drives. They may have a special connection to helping specific populations such as veterans, new moms, or children.
What are their credentials?
Having a doctorate or decades of experience does not necessarily mean a therapist is going to be the best fit for you. Therapists who are interns or are in clinical training under a supervisor often work alongside other fully licensed professionals in the same agency. This is not necessarily an indicator of anything that could compromise your therapy experience. Freshly trained therapists participate in frequent trainings and supervision and even when you work with an experienced therapist the first few sessions can feel awkward while you are building rapport. If you want to work with someone long term, you may prefer to not work with a therapist in clinical training because they may only plan on being at that practice for a shorter time. Inquiring about their credentials also includes asking about their level of experience in treating the issues you would like help with. It is also helpful to check in with logistics such as insurance and what states they are authorized to practice in.
How do they feel about diagnosis?
Diagnosis is necessary for insurance purposes. It can help us to give a name to what we are feeling and experiencing. Mental health diagnoses also have the potential to cause harm. Some disorders are more stigmatized than others. They might be used against you when applying for jobs that have a high security clearance or a life insurance policy. Discussing the pros and cons of diagnosis and any concerns you may have can help you determine your comfortability with a therapist.
How do they determine if they need to break confidentiality?
This can be a good question if you have concerns about a therapist reacting to your process appropriately. If you have a history of self-harm or suicide attempts, it is good to establish a strong rapport built around safety. It is not helpful if you feel that you can’t mention passive thoughts of self-harm out of fear that you will be mandated for a crisis evaluation. It is also not helpful to feel that you cannot vent without triggering a crisis response. For example, someone with no violent history, upset about a bad day or a fight with a loved one might say “I could just kill him!” as part of venting, but that is not the same as having homicidal tendencies. It is also good to establish a general plan should you need additional intervention so that you are not left feeling blindsided.
What are the boundaries?
It is good to know your therapist’s general availability and response time. Each therapist and each agency can be governed by different rules and regulations. In today’s world of near constant interaction, and the ever-evolving use of telehealth, it can be hard to know what crosses the line and what a reasonable expectation may be. It’s good to know about the best ways to communicate between sessions if necessary and what should be done in times of crisis. It can also be helpful to inquire about their policies regarding missed appointments and how they determine if they are a good fit for you.
How do they handle humanness?
Do you cuss? Do you rely strongly on your faith? Do you have kids who might interrupt session? Do you have an ever-changing work schedule? What do they do if you are 5 minutes late? What if you cry the entire session? While we all have accountability in our own healing, it is important that you can show up as your most authentic self without fear of judgement. It takes time to build rapport and be fully comfortable, but it can be helpful to voice any concerns you have that might cause you to hold back. This way you can get a feel for how your therapist might respond and if it might be relevant to your therapeutic goals.
How do they measure progress?
Therapy is rarely a straightforward process which means it can be hard for progress to be objectively measured. Anyone who says they can “fix” you or help you overcome your issue in a certain number of sessions is someone to be concerned about. Everyone is different with different goals. It is not uncommon to start therapy for one issue and find out that it is connected to others.
*Sometimes the vibes are just OFF and it doesn’t have anything to do with a therapist’s approach, credentials or experience. They might remind you of someone you don’t like, they might be too serious or too free spirited. The point of therapy is to feel better and for any discomfort in the therapeutic process to be aligned with the goal of feeling better. If it’s just plain uncomfortable for you to speak to this person, that is enough of a reason to seek out someone else.
Rayelle Davis is a Nationally Board Certified Counselor licensed in Maryland and West Virginia. She is an expert content reviewer for highered.com and a faculty trainer for the American Society of Addiction Medicine. Her research on the diseases of despair and Appalachia fuels her mission to build community centered around accurate and decolonized mental health education.
One of the most common things I see in my work with generational trauma is the value placed on being strong or tough. Quite often, what people mean when they say they wish they were tougher or they wish they were strong like grandma, is that they wish they could not be upset even though upsetting things are happening. Through this lens, to be upset is to be not tough, therefore, to be upset is to be weak. The belief that expressing emotion is weak is reinforced throughout society. We see it when people comment that younger generations are coddled. We see it when people are labeled as a cry baby and judged negatively. We see it in books and movies where not crying equates to bravery. Emotional expression can be associated with moral deficits such as being disrespectful or lazy. This can all lead to the high value placed on being viewed as tough.
The definition of tough can also bring in cultural values around gender norms or religious faith. For example, men are often raised to not show tears. Tearfulness is commonly associated with femininity and softness. Expressing anger is often more socially acceptable than sadness. Women also experience shame around tearfulness. Tearfulness can be dismissed as hormonal changes, overreacting or being manipulative. Women are often raised to be agreeable. Anger is not socially acceptable because to be angry means to be not agreeable. Tears are more socially acceptable than anger, but this emotional expression is still shamed if it is viewed as being inconvenient for others. In some communities, feeling upset is viewed as not having enough faith in God. Even though the gender norms are different, this leaves both men and women having their feelings minimized and dismissed.
If our feelings are not validated and expressed in meaningful and helpful ways, we internalize them. This means we can feel that there is something wrong with us for having normal emotions and this can impact our self-esteem and self-worth. It becomes hard to identify our emotions and to express them appropriately, but minimizing our feelings doesn’t mean they go away. They come out sideways. This can lead to mental health struggles such as depression or anxiety. It can also lead to relationship difficulties and substance use issues.
Tough is defined as being strong enough to withstand adverse conditions or careless handling. It can also mean enduring a period of hardship or difficulty or being a violent person. These definitions are clear, but they do not include the ways we might interpret them in society. Social norms are subject to change and definitions and concepts tend to get misapplied based on the powers involved. This is where things can get really complicated, so let’s break it down with a few examples to show what I mean by the confusion of tough and emotional expression.
First, let’s look at tough when we apply it to a person that is rough or violent. What image comes up? Maybe you are picturing certain people in your life. We typically think of a tough person as someone we wouldn’t want to mess with or someone we wouldn’t want to upset. If we have been hurt by other people, it makes sense that we might value being seen as tough in this way. If people see as a tough, then they would know not to mess with us. To be tough twists into being protected.
Next, let’s look at tough when we apply it to one’s ability to endure hardship or adverse conditions. Life can bring in numerous obstacles that none of us ask for or would choose. Survival is human instinct and life brings factors beyond our control. When we hear of someone experiencing hardship that we can’t possibly imagine, we often say things like “I don’t know how you are still standing. You are so strong.” We can end up crediting people for being tough as a personality trait or achievement when they happened to survive. They endured something they should not have had to. This can also serve as a protective measure. It can be hard to truly empathize with human suffering. Even imagining such hardships can be unbearable. If we view survivors as tough, we are protected from having to empathize with them too much. We are protected from feeling our own vulnerability and what we may or may not survive.
The definition of tough as it applies to withstanding adverse conditions or careless handling is interesting. When applied to objects, it can mean how well your product will still function if it is handled roughly such as a suitcase being tossed around carelessly in an airport or how sturdy a backpack might be for an arduous hiking trip. The adverse conditions and careless handling of humans however, that often means abuse. We can also use tough in this way to protect us from feeling pain and true empathy. Survivors of abuse may take pride in being tough as it can give them a sense of protection and control. People who hear about abuse may say that victims are tough because they can’t imagine experiencing the same thing. In either case, the pride associated with being tough can give credit to survivors without giving proper blame to the abuser. It also dismisses the fact that for someone to be tough- to endure hardship, to survive, that means they experienced something they should not have had to.
I think the argument could be made that too often, the symptoms we associate with mental health disorders are directly related to how we perceive one’s ability to function after being handled roughly, how TOUGH they are. It is a factor in the shame and stigma of seeking mental health treatment. To be tough means you should not need help. To need help means weakness. To not be able to get out of bed, to feel joy, to feel motivation means there is something wrong with an individual, they are not functioning well. They are not tough. This implies that they should be tough, therefore their personal weakness is their individual problem. In reality, these symptoms are often a normal response to prolonged stress or traumatic events. Within the mental health treatment world, this definition of tough also protects abusers and blames victims. While we all have accountability in our own healing, abusers tend to not seek treatment. Instead, it is the victims that are labeled as “crazy”.
When we have experienced hardship, but don’t fully recognize the role of the abuser, it makes it difficult to have empathy for others who express their feelings about what they have been through. This value in being tough serves as a type of armor around our brain. We don’t want to be hurt again. If we are tough, we won’t be hurt. This can also cause us to remain in a state of assessing our toughness against someone else’s. You cannot empathize with someone else’s experience if you are subconsciously waiting for someone to empathize with yours. If you are to remain tough, that often means minimizing the pain of our hardships. People will struggle to empathize with another’s pain if they struggle to identify their own.
What if we were to redefine what it means to be tough? What if instead of associating toughness with a rough exterior or someone who never cries or complains, we acknowledge how it is tough to feel discomfort? What if we acknowledge that it is tough when someone experiences hardship we can’t fix or truly understand? It is tough to want to help and not know how. It is tough to make changes even if we are guaranteed health and happiness on the other side. It is tough to try. It is tough to put ourselves out there. It is tough to shed the values and beliefs imposed on us in childhood even if they stop serving us as adults. It is tough to allow ourselves to be emotionally vulnerable when others can prey on those vulnerabilities.
Perhaps if we would learn to associate toughness with empathy, we could experience true emotional resilience. If we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and to allow others to be vulnerable, we can learn to externalize our emotions and experiences rather than allowing them to remain deep within us and making those negative emotions and experiences part of our identity. Perhaps being tough is being true to ourselves and putting the blame and shame where it belongs.
You know who doesn’t want that? Them. The people and the corporations who profit from our self-loathing and fear of rejection. The sales would plummet for the advertised products that imply we don’t deserve happiness unless we use their stuff. There would be fewer bars, fewer jails, and fewer predatory organizations. There would be less politicians telling us what we want to hear without intending to do anything. There would be less debt for things we never even really wanted. To make a dent in the status quo, we need to be tough.
Rayelle Davis is a Nationally Board Certified Counselor licensed in Maryland and West Virginia. She is an expert content reviewer for highered.com and a faculty trainer for the American Society of Addiction Medicine. Her research on the diseases of despair and Appalachia fuels her mission to build community centered around accurate and decolonized mental health education.
1- It only impacts children. You outgrow it.
ADHD symptoms often impact children differently than adults. With kids you tend to see more of the “hyper” symptoms that can disrupt a classroom leading to diagnosis in the traditional textbook sorta way. Even that cuts out the symptoms in kids that can be overlooked like daydreaming, missing details on assignments, keeping a messy desk, blurting out answers. It isn’t so much that ADHD is outgrown as people learn to adapt and cope the best they can overtime. It’s also possible someone was diagnosed with ADHD as a child that didn’t have it, so that adds to the myth that people outgrow it.
2- It is caused by too much screen time
ADHD is a neurological based issue. It is not caused by too much screen time or anything else that is in that category. Things like screen time can be a way that ADHD symptoms present. For example, a common trait associated with ADHD is what we call hyper focus. The ADHD brain can focus so deeply and intently on a preferred task that it looks like the person afflicted just doesn’t care about putting their phone down. When it isn’t something being observed by a loved one, a person with ADHD may struggle in this area by spending more time online than they planned impacting other responsibilities. A lot of people think the increased time on screens has contributed to increased rates of ADHD, but these factors are unrelated. We happen to hear more about ADHD as more knowledge is obtained and stigma is reduced which just so happens to be occurring when we have more technology. Those things are happening at the same time, but screen time did not cause more ADHD.
3- ADHD isn’t real, people just need to have more discipline
ADHD is a neurological based issue. It is very real. The world is designed for neurotypical folks. What looks like disorganization to one person may work very effectively for someone with ADHD. You can’t discipline ADHD away any more than you can discipline someone to have better eyesight.
4- Any inability to concentrate means ADHD
While attention span is a factor in ADHD diagnosis, issues with concentration do not automatically mean ADHD. Trauma impacts concentration, memory and the ability to retain information. So do depression and anxiety. Our fast-paced modern worlds with infinite options can make it hard to concentrate too. ADHD is SO much more than a lack of concentration.
5-If you do well in school or pay attention to fun things you can’t have ADHD
The ADHD brain is wired differently from the Non-ADHD brain. In a world designed for people without ADHD, it can look fake and lazy if someone struggles to maintain a chore list but can play video games for hours. You can have ADHD and get good grades especially if the subject matter is interesting. It’s not that you can’t pay attention to anything at all. It’s a type of misnomer because the ADHD brain is paying attention to everything and struggles to filter things out. During times of hyper focus this can look like not paying attention to anything because of being so deeply intent on the activity at hand. Someone with ADHD cannot just make hyper focus happen, but it is often brought on by extreme motivation like an urgent deadline.
I have ADHD and was not formally diagnosed until well into adulthood. I thought I was disorganized and lacked common sense because I heard this most of my life and it rang true. I often felt like a failure of a parent and wife because I couldn’t keep my house tidy consistently no matter how much I tried. I worked myself to exhaustion just for the house to look like a tornado went through. I didn’t have much money and saw this as another personal failure because I thought if I could afford the right organizational system then all of my problems would go away. I didn’t want to be messy or be seen as unprofessional or incompetent. I also didn’t want to be “too much”- too much personality, talk too much, take up too much attention. All the discipline strategies only served to make me want to shrink myself and hate myself because I just couldn’t get it together despite motivation, a strong work ethic and a desire to please authority. Now that I know better, I do better, including changing how I talk to myself. Positive reframing can be a power thought tool. I’m no longer “disorganized.” I am “not traditionally organized.” ☺ Embracing differences instead of shaming them can make the world a brighter place.
Rayelle Davis is a Nationally Board Certified Counselor licensed in Maryland and West Virginia. She is an expert content reviewer for highered.com and a faculty trainer for the American Society of Addiction Medicine. Her research on the diseases of despair and Appalachia fuels her mission to build community centered around accurate and decolonized mental health education.
